An Excerpt from My Article-in-Progress: "A Mom by Any Other Name: Fulltime Stepmoms, Adopted Children, and Invisible Families"

In this autoethnography, I discuss my and other fulltime stepmoms’ experiences and perspectives and the implications for notions of who is family and to whom “belong” maternal rights and responsibilities themselves. I also consider some of the challenges that come with the particularity of my own situation as a fulltime stepmom to an internationally adopted child.

I have somewhat arbitrarily defined fulltime stepmothers as women who live with their partner along with their partner’s child(ren) at least 2/3 of the year for at least two years. Just like any other kind of mother, one does not necessarily love the children from the first moment, and some adjustment period is warranted. In many cases this period may require more than two years; nonetheless, after two years we have achieved substantial understanding and ability to reflect on our situations as necessary to my current project. Amy Janan Johnson et al. would characterize us as either mostly residential or fully residential stepmothers (130). I further note that in Jason B. Whiting et al.’s ethnographic study of self-identified “Successful Stepmothers,” all had been married for at least 5.5 years (99); these authors indicate that “research suggests that it takes 5 to 7 years for a family to stabilize following a remarriage” (107).

In August 2021, I gained IRB approval, with the invaluable guidance of Dr. Sarah Chard, and interviewed three other self-identified fulltime stepmoms, whom I met through a social media group (of which I had been a member for almost 2 years), who meet my criteria, as above, and who volunteered to participate. I do not claim a representative sample and did not even collect demographic data. I was concerned that reporting with too much precision and detail would compromise my participants’ confidentiality; fulltime stepmoms’ situations tend to be unique as it is, in my experience. Instead, I just want more of our perspectives heard and realities recognized. I hope that other scholars are motivated to pursue further ethnographic research with this population.

Johnson, Amy Janan, Kevin B. Wright, Elizabeth A. Craig, Elaine S. Gilchrist, Lindsay T. Lane, and Michel M. Haigh. “A Model for Predicting Stress Levels and Marital Satisfaction for Stepmothers Utilizing a Stress and Coping Approach.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, vol. 25, no. 1, 2008, pp. 119–142. DOI: 10.1177/0265407507086809

Whiting, Jason B., Donna R. Smith, Tammy Barnett, and Erika L. Grafsky. “Overcoming the Cinderella Myth: A Mixed Methods Study of Successful Stepmothers.” Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, vol. 47, no. 1/2, 2007, pp. 95-109.